So it appears I won't have much longer before I write my obituary for Pope John Paul II. Today on “Today” on NBC on the TV, Matt Lauer was in Rome interviewing a cardinal whose name I couldn't catch, in a long segment that brought three facts into sharp relief:

1. Catholics like the Pope.
2. There is something wrong with Matt Lauer.
3. No, really, what is this guy smoking?

Lauer first observed that the Pope has used modern technology—“stuff young people use,” he called it—such as the internet, to spread his message, and that of his Church. Then Lauer observed that the Pope's message is generally conservative. He then asked—I am not making this up—if there was a contradiction between using the internet and being a conservative.

The Vatican official patiently explained that the Pope believed in the teachings of the Catholic Church. Meanwhile, Rachel, Quilly, and Walt beat the crap out of Matt Lauer. Andrew Sullivan was unable to participate due to a prior commitment, but he did show his support for his fellow bloggers by throwing a pie at Al Roker.

Even worse the Today Show were the segments of local news provided by the D.C.-area NBC affiliate. The blandly attractive, blandly monotone anchorwoman managed to unleash journalism—yellow, of course—on three separate tragic events—Terri Schiavo and two multiple-murders in the Washington area—in just two minutes. At one point she explained, using the “shocking revelation” voice Cronkite saved for assassinations and nuclear confrontations, that the man who walked into a retirement home and shot seven people had previously been diagnosed with psychiatric problems.

That's right. The fact that a man who flew off the handle and emptied a Marine-issue Beretta into an old folks home has psychiatric problems—that's news. You know, the only people on television who manage to report news from a non-batshit-insane perspective are Conan O'Brien and Ellen. Today, Ellen talked about flowers for ten minutes. The most credible woman in television journalism talked about how she can't spell crysanthmums! I mean, cryshanthimum—crosanth—cry—the white ones. She sold out to the makers of Equal™ because they gave $50,000 to the Tsunami Relief Fund, which is, to be fair, a whole lot better than selling out because they buy you a truck or something.

In conclusion, my bosses decision to leave the TV on while we sort and store inventory has proven to be disastrous to my mental health, and Matt Lauer needs to be bitch-slapped.

Matt Lauer is unwilling to insult anyone or anything, except our intelligence. Thus his bland stupidity is exceeded only by his stupid blandidity. Wouldn't it have been great to have George Carlin do that interview? Once again, I recommend "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?" for your reading list. Meanwhile, we are getting com-badges at the hospital. GUY

Posted by  Anonymous @ 1:15 PM

 

This just makes me thankful I can not watch TV at work. I tend to get my daily news from your blog, MSNBC.com & CNN.com (yes, in that order). When I have been home sick I have caught Katie, Matt and Al on the tube, good for illness, as they make me fall asleep and get my needed rest to recover! LAURA

Posted by  Anonymous @ 3:16 PM

 

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