My boss has been traveling for a week, on one of those four-cities-in-six-days business trips where life is a hectic mess and you complain about the fact that it's impossible to keep track of, but don't mention that you made an excuse to spend two days with your old friends from high school and also that the adrenaline rush makes you feel alive.

When she got back, I had everything that had piled up neatly organized and stacked like a good little secretary. I'd heard a horror story about the secretaries in the American embassy in Riyadh, who do literally nothing but play Solitaire and sleep at their desks. While I drink too much coffee to sleep at my desk, blogging is a lot like Solitaire and I do a lot of blogging, so I'd resolved to put on a show of competence that would make Radar O'Reilly himself Olive Drab with envy.

My boss has businesswoman style that would, in any other city, make her a dynamo powerhouse; but in a city where your competition is Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Dole, it can be harder to shine. (She's two cubes behind me as we speak, telling a mildly risqué joke to a colleague. It's been observed that executive women must be able to talk as dirty as their male counterparts. While my bosses humor would be shocking in most of the country, it again pales in the cuthroat competition of our nations capitol; Olympia Snowe makes Quentin Tarantino look like Jimmy Stewart.) I had a stack of papers and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

"This arrived from someone in the Sweetbark Forest. It's not urgent," I'd say.

"I'll look at it tonight," she'd say. "What's next?"

"The Chief's office sent this over, I'd say. "They approved the training session in Denver, but not in Salt Lake."

"Make sure that goes to Bill. It's his baby," she'd say.

"One of the printers is broken, smoking, and possibly on fire," I'd say, "I'm planning on putting it out."

"That's a priority," she'd say.

"First thing when we're done then," I'd promise. "I also need a copy of your airline tickets to finish your travel voucher, and this here is my time card."

She'd sign the paper. "E-tickets are in my e-mail inbox. I didn't just sign for a stolen jeep, did I, Radar?"

"I never watched L.A. Law, ma'am."

She'd pause and glare. "I know you're young, but if you're just pretending to be that young, I'll--"

"Klinger was trying for a Section 8 again while you were gone."

"That Klinger," she'd say. "He's a character."

Later I was talking with two of the other secretaries in the obvious.

"I've been working on this position description since six o'clock this morning," said one.

"You have fun with that," said the other.

"Fine, be sarcastic," the first replied.

"You don't have fifty CD's to Fed-Ex."

"I've got all these DVD's."

"Well, I can't stick around," I interrupted, "I've got my travel vouchers to finish."

Good times. The who-is-more-overworked contest is the secretarial equivalent of the my-God-has-a-bigger-dick-than-your-God contest that's been so popular, and deadly, in Western Civilization. It's also a gread way to avoid work. (The whos-more-overworked game, I mean; religious persecution and ritual stonings are, in fact, a terrible excuse for skipping the Tuesday staff meetings.) Anyway; now I'm spending my work day blogging. It's like an organized conspiracy to be inefficent with the taxpayer's dollars. Yay?

I need your job.
I'm more of a Klinger here, looking busy but not really, but I know most of the Radar stuff so my boss apreciates me when he is around. How ever I would never wear a dress, my boss would have heart failure from the shock. Correction, did wear a blue dress on Halloween a few years back (before my current boss' time) and red devil horns and tail, I was...Devil in a blue dress.
Most fun I've had today is showing coworker my new tat in the bathroom when I had to put some tattoo goo on it.
See ya in WA in Dec, try and coax your sister in to coming!
- yawning cuz in TN

Posted by  Anonymous @ 4:19 PM

 

You've got the makings of a sitcom there. Nice treatment. Just saw "Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang," its a good film noir. Not everything works, but enough to make it worth seeing.- UT critic

Posted by  Anonymous @ 5:06 PM

 

Speaking of film noir, perhaps there should be office noir. - Comrade Genre in the UT office

Posted by  Anonymous @ 9:04 AM

 

I hear that you're the one who got the psuedo-green-room locked off from student entrance because of some risque activities. Or something; this is the word from Gabriel.

You are a legend here, and I'm yet to discover it. Contact me sometime: [email]

-Emilie (Soph. @ West High)

Posted by  Anonymous @ 11:29 AM

 

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